confidence.

I recently had a moment of understanding. I was placed in a situation that made me feel so uncomfortable. I didn't need to feel uncomfortable but I did, in a BIG way. It got to the point one day where I may or may not have gone to the bathroom at work and cried about it. 

Then I had a moment. I realized that I was giving a situation and somebody so much power over how I was feeling and I finally understood what Eleanor Roosevelt meant when she said, "nobody can make you feel inferior without your consent." I pretended that Joe from Princess Diaries was there to tell me that just like he was for Mia.

After that I decided I was done. I addressed the situation that was making me so uncomfortable. My knees may have been shaking the whole time but I did it. I decided I was done giving it the power control me. I was done giving my consent. It felt sooo good. So I guess I have turned over a new leaf in life.

Let's talk about plans... and a little bit of faith.

In the opening credits of While You Were Sleeping Lucy gives her opening monologue. In it she remembers how her father would tell her "life doesn't always turn out the way you plan." She then says, "I just wish that I realized at the time, he was talking about MY life."

I am a planner. There, I said it! 

My plan was to go to BYU. Graduate. Get married. Become a Teacher. Live Happily Ever After.

The END. 

Then life happened. I went to BYU. I decided with 105 credits I didn't really want to be a teacher. I graduated with a history degree. I didn't get married, and I did the one thing I swore I wouldn't do and moved home. I guess like Lucy I learned that life doesn't work out the way you plan. 

For 9 months after I graduated I was stressed every single day about my "plans." I wanted a plan, I NEEDED a plan that felt right to me and I couldn't come up with one that did. I WAS FREAKING OUT.

 I read the book Daring Greatly by Brene Brown. There is a part where she talks about living whole heartedly. She has 10 steps for whole hearted living. One of them is "cultivating intuition and trusting faith: letting go of the need for certainty." In that moment it all just kind of clicked for me. I realized that I don't have to have it all figured out right now and that's okay. 

Elder D. Todd Christofferson said  "Thoughtful planning and preparation are key to a rewarding future, but we do not life in the future- we live in the present. IT is day by day that we work out our plans for the future; it is day by day that we achieve our goals... We endure in faith to the end one day at a time. It is the accumulation of many days well-lived that adds up to a full life and a saintly person." 


So I still don't know what I am doing with my life. I know where I want to be eventually I just don't know how I am going to get there. I guess I will find out one day at at time

BLAKE SHELTON.

My cousin Anna and I LOVE Blake Shelton. When we got word he was coming to Salt Lake we were so pumped. Anna waited and bought us tickets right when they went on sale. Finally the day of the concert arrived. It was a stormy day so we came prepared for rain. When we finally got out to USANA ampitheatre I was shocked to see how full it was. I had never seen that many people on the grass. So we found a seat in the VERY back. As usual USANA delivered a classy* crowd. 

These four kids came and sat RIGHT next to us, and they were all extremely intoxicated.They didn't look old enough to be drinking... As one of the opening acts was going one of the RATCHET girls next to me decided it would be fun to take our her lighter. She was waving the lighter extremely close to my shirt and my hair. She was literally trying to light me on fire!!!!! I tried my best to ignore her even though I really wanted to yank the ratty extensions out of her head. I never said one word to the girl, but she wasn't about to stop so we decided to move.

I quickly forgot about almost being lit on fire and enjoyed Blake Shelton. Anna and I were laughing and having a good time until the Grandma behind me informed me that the girl had come and put a lit cigarette on our blanket and that she was ready to "fight the little BI!#%" but she didn't want to fight in front of her Granddaughter haha. Anna talked her out of fighting for a second.. but this woman was FURIOUS. Especially when we told them that the girl had tried to light me on fire. So I left Anna to stop grandma from fighting and to go find security. Security took 10 years and by the time they got there the girl who played with fire was gone. 

The rest of the night was pretty anticlimactic after that. STAY CLASSY USANA.


*TRASHY

BYU GRAD.

I don't even know where to start with this post. Somehow 4 years have passed since the 17 year old Mackenzie moved to Provo and started BYU. I can remember sitting in Jr. High and dreaming of going to BYU and studying at the BYU Jerusalem Center. I sit here today and I am humbled and grateful that I was fortunate enough to live both of those dreams. I don't know why I was so lucky. 

My experience at BYU was different than I ever expected it to be for better, and worse. I was tested as a student and as a person in ways that I never thought I would be. I walked away from BYU with a degree in History. 

For those of you wondering what on earth I plan to do with that... I'll let you know when I figure that out. The important thing is I have a degree :)

Change can be so difficult. It's hard to see such a fun chapter of life come to an end. However, when I walked across the stage at graduation I was filled with a sense of accomplishment that I have only experienced a couple of times before. For the first time ever, I truly have no idea what is coming next. I guess we will find out together. Stay tuned. 

car flirting

Car flirting is something I am pretty good at. I used to do it all the time in High School and even my freshman and sophomore years of college. Remember that time Gina and Holly? As I have grown up I don't care to do that much anymore but today I had my finest hour. 

There I was driving from Salt Lake to Provo in the middle lane. Out of the corner of my eye I saw a man on motorcycle (I know right?) in the fast lane looking at me. I waited a second and then looked at him. Sure enough he was still looking and so I flashed a flirty little smile and took off. 

Next thing I knew he was on the right side of my car. He looked at me and then took off. This continued probably longer then it should have, but I just couldn't resist. Don't worry I was still driving safely Mom. :) We drove all the way to University Parkway together. As he got off the exit he waved to me. I was laughing so hard.

So here's to you man on the motorcycle. 

Tale of the Gold Sperrys.

When I was 17 going on 18 I was at the Provo Nordstrom with Holly. 

I decided to buy myself a pair of gold Sperry Topsiders as a birthday present to my self. 

I became so attached to these shoes, and I wore them almost daily.

Eventually they were destroyed, but I wasn't ready to let go... so I got another pair... and another... and another.
Pair #4 have been worn and destroyed.
I just still didn't have the heart to get rid of them.

Then the rain came, and I was forced to wear them in the rain... ruining them further.

To my dismay they began to stink(tmi?) so I sadly placed them in the back of the closet till I could throw them away. 

I as so upset that I couldn't wear them anymore.

One day I called my mother to see if she would buy  me another pair of the gold shoes because I just am not ready to let go. She DIDN'T answer in my time of need. 

I was sitting in class when I got this picture... from my mom saying

"Do you want these?"

I called her right after class to tell her YES!!! She told me how she had found this pair at the Nordstrom Rack and she had ended up just getting them for me. Thanks Mom!

Here's to you pair #5. 

happenings.

I tell myself once a day that 2014 is the year of no regrets. this has resulted in some moderate success and some great fails. best part is the year is only getting started.

I am taking an 8am class. worst decision ever. 

I saw a girl wearing camo leggings, and her boyfriend was wearing camo pants with an aztec patterned sweatshirt. I have now decided I need a boyfriend who will wear matching camo pants to campus with me. 

59 days till I graduate. what. I ordered my cap and gown today.

I got 4 strikes in a row while bowling this last weekend. best game of my life.